Love is a behavior

Choosing love is simple. Simple doesn't mean easy.

Love is the most powerful force.

IMAGINE

Imagine if we all chose to love more, hate less? Imagine a society that celebrated compassion, kindness and acts of service. Imagine if we the people took to heart these high ideals and applied them to our real lives in “the arena” —--Brene’ Brown style? Imagine if we truly understood that love is the current that powers the universe?

Imagine.

BELIEVE

When I was much younger, I was struggling to escape an unhealthy relationship. My counselor shared with me the simple phrase: Love is a behavior. She wrote it on a 3x5 card. I carried it in my purse for years.

At first, I didn’t get it. What did she mean - Love is a behavior? I thought it was all big emotions, roses and moonlight, like in the movies. Nah. Now, I know. Love is an action flick. Romantic, friendship or family- people’s actions will tell you who they really are and being “in love” is a verb.

None of us are perfect. Sometimes we hurt people. If we are made aware, hopefully we breathe in and offer a true, authentic apology. Not an “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “That wasn’t my intention.” But, a soulful “I hurt you and I’m sorry.” We have all caused harm. When we work together to own it, miracles can happen.

It takes courage to apologize for real.
It takes patience to listen with an open heart.
It takes compassion to forgive.

Love requires action. Love is a behavior. Love is the most powerful force.

Growing up, I took to heart the messages of love from my Catholic church. As a child attending St. Francis of Assisi Parish in Burien, Washington we often sang a rock and roll version of the Prayer of St. Francis. When the band played, I sang loudly, full of the love I felt in the words and the music.

Lord, make me a channel of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine master grant that I may
Not so much seek to be consoled as to console

To be understood, as to understand.
To be loved, as to love.
For it’s in giving that we receive
And it’s in pardoning that we are pardoned

And it’s in dying that we are born…
To eternal life.
Amen

Beautiful, right?

Give our girl Susan a listen. Make Me a Channel of Your Peace (Your day will be better because of it.)

Sounds lovely. Idealistic. Easy. Of course, it’s not.

Older me, wonders what St. Francis would say about abusive or unaware people. If we extend our heart and the other person isn’t equipped to have that hard conversation, it all falls apart. They. Can’t. Go. There. There is no miracle healing, just blame, projection, and denial. With pathological people like narcissists, there is no avenue to heal, and our best bet is to love ourselves enough to run.

I want to ask St. Francis, on a personal level and a national level, when we are witnessing racism, misogyny and worse—how do we do the right thing, with love? How do we stand up to the bullies without losing our own values? When the people in power aren’t connected to the current of universal love, victims are targeted, harmed, or killed. What do we do when love has left the chat?

I don’t claim to have the answers, but that little girl singing in church still lives in my heart, and she believes we can all be an instrument of peace! St. Francis was onto something. I hear his call to action.

Who’s in?

DISCOVER

I’ve discovered that my actions make a difference. I may not be a world leader or an influencer with a million followers, but I get to choose how I impact those in my world. When I choose love as a behavior, I am taking a stand. In the midst of this madness, it is not always easy. We have a choice. Let’s do our best to love more.

And, older me wants younger me to know that “love more” doesn’t mean suffering someone’s bad behavior or tolerating abuse. We don’t have to keep showing up for people who repeatedly punch us in the face. “Love more” means walking away from disregard and disrespect or standing up to the bully. (St. Francis, not sure which line that is, but it counts as love too.)

I’m GenX and post-menopausal, but St. Francis, I promise I will do my best.

What about you? How do you choose to show up with love during challenging times? Have you ever loved yourself enough to walk away? What would you tell your younger self about love?

I’d love to hear your love stories or how you choose to embody love.

xoxo
Shannon